STOP 4 | Portugal: Let it be + Feeling like Superman! (Days 7-8)

Dedicated to the Lost Connections, may the new suns give you energy to reconnect.

Day 7 | July 29^th

 

What would you do if you had a lifetime ahead of you? This is the feeling I am living at the moment. It’s 2:10pm and I am at Day 7 of the Shamanic Diet. Today we are going to have the second and last ceremony! Breakfast was served at 8:15am as almost every day basically and I asked the shaman again if I need to do something differently for tonight’s ceremony. She denied, saying “Let it be”. I am not too concerned about the fact that I didn’t have any strong hallucinations/visions (this is the marketing claim for ayahuasca). La madre is a revealing plant, that works in conjunction with the other plants I am dieting with. Especially over the last two days I’ve been able to reach clarity of some aspects of my life: it seems so obvious now, but it was not before entering the retreat. Anger didn’t come up too much, probably because I’ve been focusing of being gentle with myself and taking it easy with others over the past year. But many emotions keep coming and going and made me understand a lot: can’t wait to get out from here and little by little to transform these feelings into reality.

 

I am happy for being here, I feel I am in the right place, at the right moment of my life, it was something not envisioned when I thought about the sabbatical in 2019, but again #takelifeasitcomes. It seems that many things are coming into places, structurally: what I left behind, the people I’ve met during this journey so far, what’s looking ahead after this. Many choices, many mistakes of my life came visiting me to say hello; I recognized all of them, but I let them go as it’s past now. I also met the beautiful things though, that are still with me and are made by joy, connections, emotions, people, family, friends.

 

Probably I should try to rest a bit, to avoid falling asleep during the ceremony later tonight. Will give it a try.

My time stamps on the floor seem not to work anymore, as they are not precise: a plausible explanation is that the Earth has changed angle versus the Sun, where I am. But they are still a decent benchmark. I still wait for the shadow from the sun to reach given points in order to decide if going indoor or keeping staying outdoor: it sounds so fancy, but it's so boring, I just do it to kill the time. It's 6:30ish pm. I've just finished unpacking mu luggage: I wont' repack again as two small bags are with the shaman (the carry-ons) and I would like to swap things around to make my hand luggage lighter. I haven't bought so much stuff on the way, only 2 t-shirts, 1 hat, and 2 bracelets, which are pretty light and magnets for my family, which are not light at all. But the good thing is that at Stop #7 I will meet my family so I can unload a bit.

I spent pretty decent amount of time outdoor today, just walking in the shaded corridor that connects the upper floor to the ground floor from the outside.

I hit my July Challenge with my Apple watch - based on such soft targets that I feel ashamed: 100 Kcal Moves, 10 mins Exercise, 6h Standing per day, the minimum I could have set. Apple Watch has been in silent and in-flight mode since everything started (and still, it won't work if not connected to the phone, which I had shut down).

Can't wait to reconnect: it's so thrilling and scary at the same time that sometimes in order to find that kind of connections you are looking for, you need to disconnect first, even for longer periods (such in my case: 10 days). But probably sometimes your body and your mind need to go back to live in captivity to reacquire shape and play with nature.

I was thinking about sleeping on the terrace tonight: I don't want to be annoyed by mosquitos and flies but when can I get another similar chance, sleeping under the Portuguese sky that silently looks at you, with the background of crickets and cicadas all around?!

Let's see: last ceremony ended at about 1:20 AM, so I would need to move the mattress and sheets out at that time.

I am torn between taking a quick nap and jump into the shower, to get ready for tonight. Ink is about to finish, so see you later (Thanks Olga for the pen!).

Day  8 | July 30^th

 

Waking up kissed by mild sun-rays reminds me some Sicilian summer early mornings while sleeping in what used to be my brother's bed. Eventually I decided to sleep outside and brought all my equipment there after the ceremony: pillow, bed sheets and blanket, notebook, vomit basket (just in case). I was not eaten by mosquitos, who usually love my blood. And probably I woke up a couple of times, looking at the stars with no glasses - so not seeing much: before falling asleep I was able to make 3 wishes, based on the falling stars I saw.

The ceremony was similar to the last time, with the exception of no introductory meeting this time, as we were not newbies anymore. Effects for me were pretty mild again during the ceremony itself, but I've acquired a lot more of awareness during these days, so it's absolutely worth it.

I have been awake since 8am, wandering around and recollecting my thoughts. I got breakfast and ajo sacha dose around 9:30am, I was really starving. Today is the last day of isolation and Diet (still 2 plant juices to go) and also the day the shaman will hold individual interviews with all of us: looking forward to getting more clarity on my process.

It's almost 11:45am and I've spent the last hour or so looking at the shaman's dogs. She has 3 dogs: one seems to be older and has a problem to a paw, that makes him limp; the other two are noisy dogs (quoting Geraldine) as they always play together and always fight with each other, gnashing their teeth. Probably today they got into a big fight, that left them apart for more than usual. During this time alone, each of the two dogs did their own things. The little one took a jump from an open door and reached the central graveled courtyard.

He spent (I found out later it's an He) some time here sniffing around before realizing he was stuck: no way to get back to the main house, as the leap would be too tough for him, little one. The bigger dog (I found out later it's a She) came closer - from inside the house - looking at her friend from the main glass door, that was closed. They were looking at each other and touching the glass with their own paws and they wanted to be reunited. I was looking from upstairs and I couldn't really do anything, due to the isolation. At a certain point the bigger dog went to the main hall, stealing a bundle of dried leaves the shaman used for the ceremony yesterday and playing with it. I went closer and tried to scare her (I did not want her to damage the equipment for the ceremony but I couldn't talk to humans or ask for help) and I also tried to show her the entrance to the courtyard her friend had taken minutes before and that had got him stuck. But the bigger dog, without caring about me, ran away and seated in front of the main glass door to show her friend from the other side of the glass her new toy.

This scene reminded me the times I got into fights with some close friends and then we got stuck, as we were not able to reunited ourselves, without any help.

Eventually the maid, who heard the noise of the dog chewing the dried leaves, came by and removed the toy from her mouth but also noticed that the little dog didn't know his way to get in, so she opened the door for him. For the first couple of seconds, the two dogs didn't care about each other but then they started playing together again, like they used to.

Sometimes you need a third person to make things easier between two people (excluding romantic couple, obviously; in that case, it would be weird ☺). This person can open the "door" and make things nicer, but eventually the 2 people should sort things out on their own: so just an enabler and not an executor, using some work terminology, that I am not missing at all.

Another day is about to finish, and this is going to the the last in full isolation: tomorrow morning the shaman will cut the diet and we will get some real food, nothing taking away from the plantains risotto and hard-boiled plantains, but I'd love to test something different after 7 full days. After writing my paper blog I fell asleep fro two entire hours, I believe mostly due to the fact that I didn't sleep super well last night. And since I woke up at 2pm I don't really know how 6 hours have passed. At about 4:10pm I got my interview with the shaman, and it lasted a good hour. I believe I was the one she spent the most time with, either because it was the first time for me or just because I love talking, but I had a lot of things to ask Geraldine. Since I am retaining all the plants inside my body, she said I may need "them" in the following month, hence I didn't purge (not even once, after the tobacco ceremony).

So I feel like a man with superpowers, now, or Superman, I can face any turbulences in life still with a smile ☺. Jokes aside, one of the most important aspects of the shamanic diet is the post-Diet, which will last to 1 month and during which there are many things you are not allowed to do because still vulnerable, such as hugging people (family is ok!), having sex, taking drugs, drinking alcohol. Honestly the ones that concern me the most are the top two, but I was the one wanting to come here so #takelifeasitcomes.

During the interview I discussed about many decisions I'd taken over the week and (new) habits I would like to form. I am extremely grateful to my last year's efforts to get myself more balanced from and healthy perspective, physical perspective and mental perspective, and I feel I need to keep going. Boundaries everywhere is what is going to matter the most for me on work, private life, friends and relationships and family.

Hopefully I will think the same 6 months from no, it would mean it has worked, hence I am capturing my perspectives into a blog so friends and acquaintances can hold me accountable (or maybe not).

And the bigger dog peed and pooped in the ceremony hall: I wanted to scare her off somehow but I could not really screamed so I observed her doing her business, "with all the free space around her", as Geraldine said, once she came to my room for the interview.